How to Pick a March Madness Bracket in Five Minutes


You're late. Suddenly, it’s that time of year again, the annual exploitation of college athletes in service of not building an NBA minor league best known as March Madness! Time to borrow someone’s ESPN Insider password and read up on expert analysis, watch some season highlights, carefully consider which stunning upsets you’re comfortable picking, and then — oh, holy crap, you’ve only got, like, an hour to get your bracket in. Hey, me too! Don’t panic though. First, the NCAA tournament is always full of insane surprises that will ruin the most obsessively constructed bracket. Second, there are a bunch of great ways to put a bracket together in five minutes or so. Don't believe us? Well, you don't even have to look for them because we've got your cheat sheet right here for you.

The Obama Doctrine

Hey, why not just pick the same exact bracket that the President did? He’s supposed to be so damn smart, and if you lose, you can blame him. And the odds are, you will lose. It turns out that the guy we trust with drone-strike authority has only managed to correctly pick a tourney champ once in a measly seven tries as president. This year, Obama picked a Final Four of Kansas, Texas A & M, Michigan State, and North Carolina, with Kansas taking home the big prize. It’s conservative-ish, with two Number 1 seeds, a Number 2, and a Number 3, but just keep in mind that Obama has picked Kansas twice and failed, and that the North Carolina and Michigan State picks are probably politically motivated to get a little extra shine for the Democratic party in two up-for-grabs states in the 2016 election.